Losing Kyler (The Kennedy Boys Book 2) Read online

  “And Mom is right,” Keven supplies. “Nothing good came from meeting that man.”

  James hops up and walks out of the room. Alex is in shocked submission, sitting rigidly still on the couch while a dazed Kalvin does his best to bolster her. No one makes a move to go after James. Call me soft, but I don’t think that’s right or fair, so I climb to my feet and follow him out of the room.

  I find him in the games room, his forehead pressed to the wall, his body heaving as painful sobs rip through him. My emotions are skittering all over the place, and I’ve never felt so disconnected from myself and so unsure of how to act.

  This man slept with my mother. His sister. He thinks he’s my father. He’s colluded with his wife to lie to his kids for years. He’s had an affair with his wife’s assistant. He’s so caught up in the complicated mess he helped create that he’s incapable of being there for his sons who need him so very much.

  But, he took on another’s man’s children as if they were his own. Sacrificed his career ambitions to be a stay-at-home dad. He’s acknowledged his mistakes and he’s trying to face up to them. Inappropriate or not, he loved my mother fiercely, and he protected and cared for her after their parents died. He took me in without hesitation when I was orphaned, and he has made me feel part of his family.

  He’s not a bad man—he’s simply made some bad decisions.

  Looking at him now, so vulnerable and raw, it’s hard to hold onto my hatred and my revulsion. James has no one in his corner and that doesn’t sit right with me. I reach out and touch his elbow. “James.”

  He stops crying, lifting his head up to look at me. The expression on his face guts me. He is in agony, and I’d be a coldhearted bitch not to react to that. I open my arms in silent invitation, and he stares at me with a myriad of different emotions flitting across his face. My heart pounds anxiously in my chest. He steps toward me, closing the gap as he accepts my hug. He holds me close, and his warmth is comforting. It’s only now I realize that I need this as much as he does. We don’t speak. We just hug. And it doesn’t feel weird. It feels natural.

  “Dad?” A quiet voice speaks out from behind me. I pull back, turning around to face Keaton. “I came to see if you were okay.” James’s face lights up momentarily. Keaton looks a little uncomfortable as he shoves his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. “I, um, know this is a shock, but I haven’t missed what’s important in all this. I know things are terrible right now but it doesn’t erase what’s come before, or what you mean to us. I wouldn’t want any other dad because you’ve always been the best.”

  I step aside, paving the way for James to envelop his son in his arms.

  It’s such a touching moment, and I could kiss Keaton right about now. He is the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate Kennedy of the lot, and I love him for it.

  I’m lying on my bed a half hour later when my phone rings. It’s Brad, so I pick up. “Hey.”

  “Hey, you. Just checking in ‘cause you weren’t at school and the rumors are rife. Is it true? About Kal?”

  “Crap. I’d hoped the news hadn’t broken yet but that was clearly wishful thinking.”

  “How is he? How’s everyone?”

  “I wish I knew how to answer that question, but the last twenty-four hours have been some of the most traumatic of my life.” Considering what I went through a couple of months ago, that statement is very telling. I reach around, rubbing the tense spot between my shoulder blades. My brain feels like it’s short-circuiting from the drama overload, and I wouldn’t mind getting out of here for a while. “Are you busy?”

  “Nope. You want to hang out?”

  “Please. Can you come get me? I’ll wait out front.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  Kaden and Keven are talking with Alex and James in the sitting room when I pop my head in. “I’m heading out with Brad for a while. I’ll see you later.”

  “Wait a sec, Faye.” James clambers out of the chair, striding toward me. He takes my elbow and steers me out into the lobby. “I haven’t forgotten about the test.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t expect you to do that today, not with everything else that’s going on.”

  He tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “It’s equally as important to me.” I stare at my feet, hugely uncomfortable with the look on his face. “I’ve already put in a call, and I’m waiting to hear back. Keep your cell close in case I need to contact you.”

  “Sure thing.” I give him my best effort at a smile.

  “And thank you for earlier. You’ve no idea how much that meant to me.” My cheeks warm at his compliment. “I’m so sorry about all this. I know you’re still grieving, and the last thing you need is to be dragged into more distressing situations, but these issues have been festering for some time.”

  “I’m not gonna lie—my head’s a total mess, and I don’t know what I feel anymore, but in a weird way, everything else that’s going on actually helps. It’s distracting me from my own crap, and I can’t help thinking that’s a really good thing.”

  A firm rap thumps against the door as James opens his mouth to reply. “That’s my lift. I’ll keep an eye on my phone. See ya.”

  I skip out of the house before there’s any more of the heavy stuff.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I say the instant my butt hits the passenger seat.

  Brad puts his foot to the pedal and floors it. “Where to?” He keeps his gaze fixed on the road as he asks.

  “Anywhere.” I shrug, flipping my brunette locks over my shoulders. “I don’t mind as long as it’s quiet and I’m unlikely to bump into anyone from school.” I have to psyche myself up for that. “Just distract me, please.” I fiddle with the sound system, flicking through tracks until I find one I like.

  “No problem. I can do that, and I know the perfect place.” His eyes leave the road for a quick second. “You okay?”

  “Not really,” I answer truthfully.

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Yeah, but not here. Let’s wait ’til we get wherever we’re going. I need to chill for a while.”

  We drive in solitude for a half hour, and I close my eyes and listen to the music, deliberately trying to force all thoughts from my mind. It’s pointless, of course, because no matter how hard I try not to think about everything going on in Chez Kennedy, it still creeps up on me, events replaying in my mind on a continual loop. There’s no escaping the haunting shadows hanging over my life.

  Brad kills the engine, and I open my eyes, scanning the decent-sized parking lot that is virtually empty except for two monster trucks. The site is bordered by gigantic trees that have obviously been around since the year dot. “What is this place?” I ask.

  “My dad used to take me fishing here. There are tons of trails if you fancy a walk down to the lake?”

  I stretch out my body as a yawn seeps out of my mouth. “Sounds good.” I open the door and slide out of the car, zipping my coat up to my chin as a blast of cool air hits me full force in the face.

  Brad retrieves his jacket and a scarf from the back seat, before locking the car. “Here.” He snakes the scarf around my neck. “You look like you could use this.”

  “Thanks.” I smile up at him as he zips his jacket, thrusting his hands in his pockets.

  “This way.” He offers a one-shouldered shrug and I follow his lead. We don’t talk as we walk through the forest, but the silence isn’t in any way unpleasant. Brad is so easy to be around. Intuitive and sensitive, he just gets me. Our feet crunch on debris as we saunter through the dusky, chilly forest, and the only sounds are the birds chirruping in the trees. After about twenty minutes, I detect the gentle lapping of water, and we emerge at the edge of a vast lake. A couple of men are across the way, sitting on deck chairs, with extended fishing rods snaking out into the water. Behind them, nestled in the dense forest, a
re fleeting glimpses of extravagant homes.

  Brad guides me to a fallen log resting at the edge of the water and we sit down. He blows on his hands, rubbing them together. “I keep forgetting that the weather has turned. Probably should’ve suggested somewhere warmer.”

  “It’s perfect here. Thanks for bringing me.” I gaze out at the water, watching the gentle rise and fall of the supple waves, fascinated at the way the water creeps toward us like a silent thief and then rescinds with a barely detectable whoosh. Extending my hands behind me, I sigh as I tilt my face up toward the sky, wondering what, or if, there is anything beyond the clouds. Brad is quietly watching my every move, and I’m conscious of his singular devotion. “Sometimes I imagine God up there”—I jerk my chin skyward—“like an ominous puppet master, dangling the strings as he controls our lives. Does he laugh with glee as he throws curveball after curveball, or does he solemnly watch to see how well we’ll cope?” I twist my face to Brad. “Or does he care? Is this merely a game to him?”

  Brad bends over, picking up a stone and throwing it out into the lake. It skims elegantly across the top of the water before plunking into the hidden depths out of sight. “I know where you’re coming from. I’ve thought of similar things these last few months.” Brad shifts on the log, and our knees brush against one another. “I’ve often wondered why it is that some people seem to coast through life without any issues while others are dealt more than their fair share. It doesn’t seem right, but I’ve come to the conclusion that God—if he exists—sends challenges to those he believes can handle it. Like an exercise in resilience.” He picks up another stone and flings it out at the lake. “At least that’s what I tell myself to get through every day.”

  I suck my lower lip into my mouth. “Hhm. That’s an interesting theory, and I’ve no idea if you’re right, but all I know is it sucks to be on the receiving end of it. Honestly, I’ve tried hard to get through the last two months, and without sounding conceited, I think I was doing okay, but now”—I emit a choked laugh—“now I’m well pissed because I’ve enough on my plate without all this new crap.” I’m horrified when a tear sneaks out of the corner of my eye. I quickly wipe it away but not before he notices.

  Reaching out, he takes my hands in his strong grip. “This is more than what’s going on with Kal?”

  “Yeah,” I admit, opening up and telling him everything. About James’s admission and what it seems to imply for my relationship with Ky and how it’s altered my perception of my parents. How awful the tension is back at the house due to Alex’s revelation about Kaden and Keven’s dad, James’s affair with Courtney and the fractured state of his relationship with his wife, and Kalvin’s situation which sounds grim. He listens without interruption, rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand the whole time. I don’t hold back, and when I’ve let it all out, I feel heaps better. I needed to offload that.

  “Shit, Faye.” Brad exclaims when I’ve finished talking. “I thought I’d issues but that’s totally messed up.”

  I massage my temples. “I know. It’s bad when you’ve so many problems you don’t know which one to tackle first.”

  “No wonder Ky hasn’t returned any of my calls today.”

  “Don’t take it personally. He’s trying his best to be strong. We all are.” I kick the stones at the base of my foot.

  “I’m so sorry.” I arch a brow, wondering why he feels the need to apologize. “For how I reacted over your relationship with him and the fact that you’re hurting now. I don’t like to see you so upset.” It’s true that Brad had been weirded out when he first discovered Ky and I were together. It’s majorly frowned on in these parts to date your cousin, even if it isn’t illegal. Although, I’d like to think he was coming around to the idea.

  I clutch his hands tightly. “What am I going to do, Brad? If he’s my brother …” I trail off as an iron grip squeezes my heart inflicting the worst pain imaginable. I hang my head, fighting a fresh bout of tears, and I hate that too—that this nightmare has turned me into an emotional wreck when normally I pride myself on being the last girl to break down and cry.

  “Hey.” Tentatively, he hauls me into his arms. “You’re one of the most resourceful people I know. You’ll figure it out.”

  As I rest my head on his chest, I wish I had the same faith in me.

  Chapter Five

  On the walk back, I make him faithfully promise not to breathe a word of what I’ve said to anyone. I’ve never been the type to parade my private business around town but it’s even more pertinent with this shameful secret. The less people that know the better. It’s the first occasion in my life where I’ve felt embarrassed and ashamed of my mother, and while I hate that it’s come to this, there isn’t anything I can do to change how I feel. I still don’t understand it; perhaps I never will.

  What if I had grown up around Ky? Would I still love him in a totally inappropriate way? Is it hypocritical to be ashamed and disgusted of my mother and James when we could be in the same position? Would I have been strong enough to resist acting on my feelings, or would we have ended up in the exact same place? And is it wrong when it feels so right? Did my mum ask herself these questions or did she go with the flow? My brain unhelpfully flips these questions over and over as I walk alongside Brad, but there are no answers, and the dull pounding in my skull is all I’ve got to show for my inner analysis.

  It’s only when we’re safely back in the car that I realize how brutally selfish I’ve been. Brad has plenty of his own crap to deal with, and I’ve monopolized the last hour with my “woe is me” tirade. “What’s the latest with you, anyway? Any update?” I ask.

  He wrinkles his nose as he cranks the car into gear. “Nothing that can’t wait.” I may be imagining it, but his shoulders appear to stiffen. I’ve always had good observation skills, and I can tell when someone isn’t being one hundred per cent straight with me.

  I twist in my seat so I’m facing him. “I spilled my guts. Now you’re up. What’s happening?”

  “It’s not important. Honestly.” He gives me a quick once over. “You have enough stuff to be worrying about.”

  “I swear to God, Brad, if you don’t tell me what’s going on right now, I’m going to kick you in the nuts. I don’t care that you’re driving.”

  His lips curve up into a smile as one hand cups his junk. “No touching these bad boys,” he teases.

  “Well?” I fold my arms sternly over my chest, deliberately ignoring his attempt at humor.

  He sighs in resignation. “I got an eviction notice this weekend.”

  I bolt upright. Brad had only recently confided in me about the embezzlement charges his dad is facing and how he refused to escape the country with the rest of his family, preferring to graduate and enroll in college as he’d always intended. He’s been living in the family home all alone these past few months, although he understood it was only a matter of time before the authorities seized the property. “Damn. When do you have to be out by?”

  “End of the week.” His fingers clasp the steering wheel fiercely.

  “What are your plans?”

  He barks out a laugh. “That backseat is looking mighty cozy.”

  “Absolutely not. I’ll talk to Alex when I get back.”

  He turns ferocious eyes on me. “The hell you will. She’s enough troubles without adding to it. Besides, she’s done enough for me already. I’ll sort this out by myself.”

  “You’re being ridiculous. You’re practically family, and they have tons of room. I know she won’t mind.”

  “No.” There’s a finality to his tone. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”

  That totally raises my heckles. “Now you’re being an ass. Friends confide in each other.” I gesture between us with my hands. “And if this is about your pride, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you need help.”

  “I said no,” he grit
s out.

  “You are so Goddamned stubborn!”

  “I said I’ll sort it!” he yells back and everything locks up inside me.

  “Fine. Be a stubborn jerk. See if I care.”

  A layer of tension fills the empty space between us, and neither of us speaks for the remaining duration of the journey. I nibble on my lower lip as I stare out the window.

  When we turn the corner toward the house, I jerk forward in my seat, my eyes out on stalks as I scan the crowd in front of the Kennedy gates. Five TV vans and a plethora of cars are parked off the side of the road, and hordes of journalists block the entrance like hungry vultures in desperate need of a feed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I slink down in my seat, hurriedly covering my face with my hair.

  “Damned parasites!” Brad seethes, honking the horn in an attempt to clear a path in front of the gate. He whips out his cell, punching in some numbers quickly. “Hey, man. It’s me. I’m with Faye at the gate, but I don’t want to input the code as this place is swarming with reporters. Cool, thanks.”

  “I noticed a black SUV trailing us about ten miles out,” he admits, pocketing his phone. “Now I know why.”

  “What?” I spin in my seat. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “You weren’t exactly talking to me, and I didn’t want to concern you.”

  I scowl at him. “I’d have thought you know me better by now.”

  “Please, Faye. I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “Grand.” I huff, slinking farther in my seat as I notice the prying lens of a camera pointing into the car. Brad sticks his middle finger up, and I can’t stop the laugh from bubbling out of my mouth.

  “Put your head down between your knees,” he instructs, and I obey without argument. The last thing I want is my face projected across TV screens. I like my anonymity, and I have plenty of reasons for not wanting the press to know who I am or where I come from.

  A few minutes, and several blasts of the horn later, Brad eases the car through the gates and up the driveway. “You can come up for air now.”